Well its been a while since my last post, almost a month. I have wanted to write and many of you know I love to write. But to be honest my emotions have been so ragged and warped that I could not settle on just one thing to write about. That is until now. Things have died down a bit, life is somewhat normalizing and I feel it is now time to end this section.
Fear was the first pervading emotions that I had. Fear of what we were going to do, not financially, that never has bothered me, but in ministry. I know that I am called to minister, and I know that I want to. But where and how and when. That was the fear. With my education, most churches wont even look at me. Yet my experience of almost 10 years has taught me way more than college would. And my study of books and the bible have surely exceeded the requirements of an educational institution. Nevertheless I feared where would I go to minister.
Relief was the next emotion. The weight had been lifted from my shoulders. The pressures and struggles that faced me and my family at our last church were gone. I literally felt a peace and calm I have not had for some time. I actually began to sleep better and enjoy life more. I no longer feared certain phone calls, or emails. I was free and that was comforting.
Lastly and the best emotion ever was loneliness. When your life have been tied up in one institution for some 9 years and you depart its like the baby leaving the womb. Its cold, wet and lonely (ok not really wet, HA). We had left our church but our friends had not. They were still involved and the things were used to talk about were now taboo in my mind. I didnt want to inquire on things, it didnt think it was my place. I couldnt talk to some people about my issues because I didnt think it there place. Consequently it was a lonely time. But God did two amazing things. One He gave me an amazing wife, one who is supportive, patient and most of all loving. She came along side me and let me be angry, sad, depressed, short, and quite frankly a jerk. And she loved me still. Supporting me and helping me and hugging me. God has truly blessed me with the best woman ever. Secondly God gave me Himself. He reminded me that "He will never leave nor forsake me". He is here and He has the best plans ever for me. I dont know them, but I do know Him and that is what counts.
It took about a month for me to figure that out, but now I can rest in Him. Like John I can lay my head on His chest and wait for what He has planned. I look forward to the new adventure because I know He is with me. Thats it for leaving.
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